


I Surrendered Who I've Been For Who You Are

by anchoringsouls



Series: The Anatomy Of Trust [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, I'm Sorry, M/M, this is kind of angsty i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4304043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anchoringsouls/pseuds/anchoringsouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa hesitates, mouth opening and closing a couple of times. “I think when you’re with someone so long, you become a part of them.” </p><p>The man across from him nods, understanding the concept so well. </p><p>“And because of that, I sometimes feel like Iwa-chan gives up parts of him to fix the broken parts of me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Surrendered Who I've Been For Who You Are

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at three in the morning and I still can't explain myself. 
> 
> This started off as something else but it took a toll of its own. 
> 
> I'm sorry ಥ‿ಥ

The first thing Oikawa hears upon awakening is the sound of a vacuum in the living room of the apartment. Upon these few seconds of awareness, he can already conclude Iwa-chan is having guest over later. This leaves him with two options to take into consideration: stay and help Iwa-chan clean or seek refuge with Kuroo. Ideally, the goodness of Oikawa’s heart finds some satisfaction in the first option but he ultimately knows the second option was concrete the moment he heard the obnoxious noise in the living room. With a heavy sigh, Oikawa lifts himself and makes his way to the bathroom to begin his morning routine.

When the tall brunette takes a look in the mirror, he is not surprised to find a face too pale with bruised like bags under his large eyes. Oikawa is no fool to know that college can take a heavy toll on mental health and physical as well. Splashing cool water on his face, he hopes to brisk away the hazy fluff that lingers in his mind from sleep.

Halfway through brushing his teeth, Oikawa hears the vacuum shut off and the sound of soft footsteps make their way across the room to the kitchen. There’s the sound of the crackling stove, as if Iwa-chan was cooking eggs.

Cooking.

Iwa-chan rarely cooked, unless he was in a good mood.

 

The past couple of weeks had been tense for both of the young college students. For Oikawa, he was not only dealing with an intense volleyball regime but also the burdening weight that came with university. Iwa-chan, fully immersed in the readings and tests that came with pre-med, had thrusted himself into dedicated studying. The two hadn’t seen much of each other. While Oikawa was at practice, Iwa-chan would be away for study group.

They hadn’t brought up the subject too much, Oikawa concluding there was a silent and mutual understanding already. But this didn’t mean that Oikawa didn’t get lonely.

It was odd, being alone in the apartments at times. He couldn’t help but wonder if Iwa-chan felt the same as well under those few occurrences. Tooru would never admit it out loud to Iwa-chan’s face, but he missed him. _Dearly._

Since childhood, the two were inseparable. A package deal, people would call them. Now, Iwa-chan had new friends and these friends studied under the same major as him. Oikawa would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous. There were a few in particular that Oikawa had taken a foul liking to.

When Oikawa had been introduced to Iwa-chan’s new friends, he had immediately felt the judgement. Now, Oikawa wasn’t any fool. He had dealt with too many critical people to know the difference from a polite smile and a fake one.

Although Iwa-chan was pretty dense at times, he as well felt the poor connections between Oikawa and his friends. It aggravated Oikawa at times, that these people, these so-called friends deemed themselves better than him.

So what if Oikawa didn’t want to become a well renowned doctor; he found his glory in volleyball.

 _“They don’t understand the recognition that goes on in volleyball world like we do, Oikawa. Don’t take it too personally,”_ Iwa-chan has said in effort to calm Oikawa down.

_“Too personally, Iwa-chan? Your friends are degrading my work just because I’m not helping a sick person!”_

Oikawa took pride in all the hard work he had invested into volleyball. Working in the medical field and playing a professional sport were two completely different arts of work. He understood that to outsiders, sports didn’t seem too respectable as a job. He understood the appreciation it came with to be a doctor or a nurse. He understood that sports didn’t save dying people and it seemed so vain that people with born talent could build a career off of throwing or kicking a ball good enough.

But it didn’t apply to everyone. Oikawa was a perfect example of that. He wasn’t a genius, he didn’t have any supernatural powers that allowed him to do anything better than anyone else. Everything he had was built off of grueling hard work and dedication.

So what if Oikawa fed off the competition and thrill of adrenaline that came with the sport. Sure it wasn’t the same exact feeling that med students had when they worked in a hospital but it was relatable.

None of this was to say that Oikawa didn’t have friends either. Tooru had grew rather close to a couple of this guys on the volleyball team. It was no surprise that Kuroo Tetsuro had landed himself with a scholarship to Tokyo just as Oikawa had. The two clicked well and found amusement in tormenting their other fellow teammate, Sawamura Daichi, who was working on a business major.

When Daichi had asked the two cunning men their majors, Oikawa had answered with psychology. Kuroo on the other hand answered with a shrug.

“I’m a fucking college student. You can’t expect me to know what the hell I’m doing. I can’t even pick out what kind of shirt I want to wear in the morning, Do you really think I can decide a job for the rest of my life?”

It wasn’t that Kuroo was stupid. He just hadn’t found anything besides volleyball that sparked his interests yet. Although it was every college volleyball player’s goal to snag a spot on the National Team, there was always a great chance it wasn’t going to happen.

With that in mind, Kuoo had landed himself in a good cluster of general educations classes his first year.

Now in their second, all three volleyball players had decided they would buckle down and put some more effort in their school work.

Especially since they had heard the National Team was being very selective this year. Their chances were growing slim but it didn’t diminish their confidence.

They would prove to everyone that hard work paid off.

 

 

* * *

 

“You made breakfast?”

It had initially meant to be a statement but instead, it had came out sounding like a question. Oikawa, now fully dressed and awake, stood in the middle of the clean kitchen. His huge chocolate eyes danced around, checking out the cleansed details.

“Pft, don’t sound so surprised Shittykawa,” Iwa-chan had said with a laugh as he set down Oikawa’s plate of food. “I cook way more than you do.”

Scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. He took a seat and began to pick at his eggs.

“Ha, you wouldn’t know. You’re never home!”

Oikawa immediately froze after the words had came out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant for them to sound so bitter.

He felt Iwa-chan tense. Slowly Oikawa dragged his eyes to meet Iwa-chan’s hard gaze.

“Iwa-chan I didn’t mean-"

“I know, it get it.”

 

Breakfast had been silent after the mishap. As much as Oikawa wanted to clear things up, he couldn’t. There had been some truth to those words, playful or not. The damage was done and he hoped it would blow over soon.

He hoped this would all blow over soon.

 

 

* * *

 

 “Then Kenma tells me that it wasn’t even him, it was the cat that was playing with my feet!”

Kuroo sits across the table from Oikawa, one hand holding his coffee and the other thrown up in the air from his own disbelief of the story.

“You sick bastard, you mean to tell me that you thought Kenma was licking at your toes and it was actually that damn cat of yours?”

Kuroo grins at him, shrugging shamelessly. “ You’d be surprised, Kenma can really-”

“I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DO WITH KENMA IN YOUR FREE TIME YOU KINKY FUCK.”

Kuroo rolls into fit of laughter, his free arm slamming down on the table. A couple of people nearby turn to glare at them.

“Okay, this coming from you. Everytime I walk into your apartment, you’re practically getting all handsy with Iwaizumi!” Kuroo spits back.

“That’s different, I’m in my apartment with my boyfriend! You practically sexually harass Kenma-chan everywhere you go!” Kuroo leans back against the booth, “What can I say, Kenma is too cute for his own good.”

Oikawa rolls his eyes and tips a sip of his latte. They stay quiet for a while, the playfulness dying down into something more serious. Oikawa watches the people stroll in and out of the coffee shop, lost in their own little worlds.

“Hey so, um, how are things with you and Iwaizumi? Have things settled down yet?”

There’s some hesitance in the question but Oikawa knows Kuroo genuinely cares. Kuroo and Daichi were the only two that knew what was really going on between the school’s famous setter and smart medical student. They never pried too much, something Oikawa was grateful for but, they always gave him full support. Given that, Oikawa hadn’t minded either that Kuroo had told Kenma and Daichi had told Sugawara, who was attending a college fifteen minutes away. Those two always went out of their for Oikawa as well.

“Well, considering I basically threw it in his face this morning by accident that he’s never around, I would say no probably,” Oikawa answered, eyebrows drawn together. His long fingers were twiddling in his lap, a nervous habit he had picked up a long time ago.

“Yikes, sounds bad. What did he say?” Kuroo was frowning now, taking long sips from his coffee.

“Being the Iwa-chan he is, he avoided the conflict and easily brushed it off.” Tooru was glaring at his drink now, irritated with the whole ordeal plaguing his mind. Kuroo hummed in thought, placing his hands out on the table and clasping them together.

“Well, do you want to talk about it with him, Oikawa?”

There was a few more seconds of silence.

“I-I don’t know,” Oikawa answered honestly, looking out the window to his left. Kuroo nodded, following his gaze as well.

“I’m pretty sure if Sawamura were here, he would agree with me,” Kuroo says, still looking out the window. His voice is surprisingly soft and quitet, as if he’s being careful.“You should talk to him, Oikawa.”

The brunette frowns, drawing his eyes back to black haired man. Kuroo’s face is serious, eyes hard and mouth firm. For a moment, Oikawa wants to yell back at him, to tell him how selfish it would be, but he doesn’t. Instead he shakes his head a smiles, “I agree, but we both know it’s not going to happen.”

“Oika-”

“Iwa-chan has always looked out for me. The least I can do is give him some space, especially since midterms are coming up.” His smile is wavering now. It pains Oikawa that he cannot be with Iwa-chan all the time.

Kuroo bits his lip, as if he’s contemplating his next response. With a heavy sigh he runs a hand through his wild dark hair. “I’m just saying I think he would want to know, too. I’m actually surprised, Oikawa. Usually you would have probably made a big fit by now or came up with some elaborate plan.”

Oikawa’s eyes widen at his friend’s words. Slowly he leans back, head and eyes tilting up to look at the ceiling. “I thought about it,” he confesses, words confident and genuine. Kuroo laughs, throwing his head back with amusement. After he settles down, he realized Oikawa is still lost in thought.

“So, what stopped you?” the black haired man prompts, leaning forward with curiosity. Oikawa frowns again, humming as he tilts his head side to side. When he finally comes to thought, the tall man sets his hands on the table, staring at Kuroo.

“When Iwa-chan had first told me that he wasn’t going to accept the scholar ship, I was pissed. Ever since we were little, we promised each other we would do everything together. It’s every child’s dream to go to their dream school with their best friend,” Oikawa grins at Kuroo, hinting. His friend lets out a huff, crossing his arms with a coy smile.

“He told me that he loved volleyball, but probably not the same way I did. Although, I beg to differ on that. Iwa-chan said he wanted to be a doctor and that he would go, but not for volleyball.” Oikawa drops his head, gazing down into his lips. “So, as you already know, we roomed together our first year. The first months were tough. We were both still adjusting to college life and like the idiot I am, I threw myself into volleyball.”

Kuroo leaned back against his seat, nodding. He was aware of Oikawa’s tendency to overwork himself. “Iwa-chan was always looking after me, making sure I ate, making sure I wore my knee brace, making sure I did my homework. I’m an adult, I shouldn’t be so childish but I can’t help it and he knows it.” Oikawa hesitates, mouth opening and closing a couple of times. “I think when you’re with someone so long, you become a part of them.”

The man across from him nods, understanding the concept so well. “And because of that, I sometimes feel like Iwa-chan gives up parts of him to fix the broken parts of me.” The guilt is evident in his words. Kuroo’s eyes snap up, surprised at how vulnerable Oikawa sounds.

“I’m selfish and I know I haven’t given him anything. This, space, is the least I can do for him, Kuroo.” He’s surprised at how calm the words flow from him. He’s never told anyone his true feelings. He’s sure Iwa-chan has a clue but Tooru does a good job of covering it up.

“I still think you should tell him how you feel,” Kuroo responds, bringing his hands to rest behind his head.

Oikawa pouts, crossing him arms. “But, I can see where you’re coming from.” Kuroo looks away, the hint of pink obvious on his cheeks. “I still feel the same way about Kenma sometimes,” he mutters out with embarrassment.

“Kuroo,” Oikawa cooes gently. The man with the wild hair snaps his head back to look at his friend, hand slamming down on the table. “Hey now! Don’t go being all soft on me now, you keep that shit with your boyfriend. We’re assholes together, that’s our thing!”

Oikawa laughs, musical and free.

“Of course, who else is going to torment Dai-chan, hmm?”

“Now that’s the Oikawa I know. Keep it up and the scouters are bound to pick you!”

“Scouters?” Confusions sweeps over the brunette. Kuroo’s eyes go wide and he shifts forward. “Yeah, the scouters from the National Team are coming down to watch our upcoming game soon, ” the cat like man explains. “I thought you knew. I’m surprised you haven’t heard the coaches talking about it.”

Oikawa mimics Kuroo’s expression now, clearly new to the news.

“I overheard them saying that they were apparently pretty interested in you. I guess someone on their side recommend you.”

There’s a moment of silence and Oikawa feels everything stop. He can feel his heart drop and the sorrow that was placed there is now replaced with rage. A hot flash of anger overwhelms him, causing Tooru to stand abruptly. “Oikawa?”

“I need to go, I’ll text you later.” He leaves quickly, shoving his way out the door and leaving Kuroo utterly confused.

“Shit,” the black hair man hisses out. “Maybe it was too much for him.”

 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi taps away on his laptop, a word document open and multiple tabs on tendons and ligaments behind it. He’s been working on the paper for over four ours now and he’s dying to take a break. He knows he can give himself some leeway, the paper being due next monday and it was only thursday. Although, he does have some other work to focus on as well. Shaking his head, he resettles himself on the bed and closes the computer.

The apartment was silent tonight, given that Oikawa wasn’t home. Oikawa. Iwaizumi can’t help but think back to the morning. He was aware that Oikawa was upset. School had been taking a heavy toll on their relationship lately. Iwaizumi missed him, even if Oikawa was a huge pain in ass. It was odd not having him around. He would go through his day, wondering if Oikawa had eaten, where he was, who he was hanging out with. Sure they texted each other but recently, they had became more brief. The sun kissed man could only hope his boyfriend was taking care of himself.

Restless, Iwaizumi got up and headed to the kitchen, deciding he would get a glass of water. As he approached the cabinet, he heard the door open and slam shut. Surprised by the noise, he flinched, head turning in the direction of the door.“Oikawa?” he called out.

There was the sound of shuffling and the tall brunette appeared into the living room. His eyes were glazed, mouth set into a frown. There was a split second of emotion that crossed Tooru’s face. Iwazumi couldn’t put his finger on it but it left him queasy.

“Hey,” he called out again, more soft this time. Slowly, he made his way over to his boyfriend. Oikawa seemed to recognize this and he pulled himself together, flashing him a gently smile.

“You’re still up, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked. His voice sounded too airy, almost strained. He pulled off his sweater, a royal blue one Iwazumi had bought for Oikawa two years ago. Oikawa had said it was his favorite.

“Yeah, I was working on a paper? What about you, where were you out so late?” He tries to say the words with much nonchalance but Oikawa never misses a thing.

“Hmm, well I was with Kuroo earlier today but I decided to practice a bit on my own after,” Oikawa replies, making his way down the hall to his room. Iwaizumi follows, leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed. Oikawa doesn’t look at him, rather he looks at everything except his boyfriend. The shorter man watches Oikawa change into an old t-shirt and volleyball shorts. He seems tense.

Pushing off the frame, Iwaizumi approaches Oikawa, hand reaching for his face. Gently, he turns Oikawa’s face to look down at him. He runs his eyes over his face, his large brown eyes, high cheekbones, pink parted lips. He doesn’t miss the bruised like bags under his eyes. With his free hand, he reached for Oikawa’s wrist.

It’s thinner than usual, not a good sign.

Pulling his head down, he rests their foreheads together. He gauges Oikawa’s reaction. The taller man seems surprised, body still tense. He runs a calloused thumb across Oikawa’s cheek, hoping to relax him. It seems to work because Oikawa’s eyes go half lidded and he lets out a small sigh. Iwaizumi pulls away shortly, only to brush his lips just below Oikawa’s ear. He feels Oikawa shiver slightly and he can’t help but grin.

“What’s wrong Tooru?” he breathes out gently. Just like Oikawa knows how to unravel Iwaizumi, he can do same.

When the brunette doesn’t respond, Iwaizumi ghosts his lips down his neck and back up to his chin, pressing a soft kiss there. He kisses him again on the corner of his mouth.

Another sigh.

“Iwa-chan.”

“Mhh, why are you so tense Oikawa?” He plants tiny kissed along his cheek and jawline. Oikawa runs his free hand over Iwaizumi’s chest.

“Kiss me already, Iwa-chan.”

Pulling back, the shorter man shakes his head. Oikawa pouts, eyebrows drawing together in frustration.

He pulls the brunette to the bed, laying Oikawa down and settling himself over him. He begins kissing his neck again and Oikawa plants his hands in his hair. Oikawa lets out breathy gasps, heading leaning back into the pillow. Iwaizumi teases again, kissing the corner of his mouth. Tooru is fast, tilting his head but Iwaizumi moves back again, only to stare down at him.

“Why?!” Oikawa whimpers out, clearly frustrated. He pulls himself to sit up and Oikawa follows.

“What’s bothering you, Oikawa? I won’t kiss you until you tell me.”

“Mean Iwa-chan! Mean!” He crosses his arms, nose in the air and head turned away. Iwaizumi can’t help but laugh at his boyfriend’s childish antics.

“Just tell me already Bratkawa so I can kiss your adorable face.”

“Awh, did you just call me adorable? Kuroo says I’m the big softy but I think you’re the real romantic here, Iwa-chan!”

He shoves his boyfriend, rolling his eyes.

“Just answer the question, and no bullshit that it’s nothing.” He expects his boyfriend to fight him, to dismiss his question again but instead Oikawa stays quiet.

Iwaizumi had noticed it, the change in Tooru. Lately, the man with the fluffy brown hair had stopped rambling about stuff. It started off simple. Oikawa didn’t speak of the new alien movies that were coming out or of the new volleyball shoes that and came out in the monthly catalogue they both would receive. Iwaizumi had brushed it off, thinking that Oikawa was just too busy for the little details around him. He had heard about how the National Team was cracking down so he figured Tooru was just dedicating himself to volleyball more.

But then he stopped receiving Oikawa’s cheesy texts with too many emoticons during class. When he had confronted Oikawa about it, he simply explained that he was falling behind in class because of volleyball and that he had to start focusing in class. It surprised Iwaizumi. Oikawa was no slacker but it was off seeing him struggle with academics. In high school, the two of them had found a way to manage their top grades. He knew that university was way different than high school. Iwaizumi struggled himself. With that, he respected Oikawa’s answer and didn’t press him on the matter anymore. Slowly, they began to do their own things.

“I’m just really tired,” Oikawa admits quietly, all playfulness gone.

Iwaizumi knows there’s more to it but decides that it’s all he’ll get out from Oikawa tonight. Oikawa brings his eyes up to meet Iwaizumi’s.

“But not too tired to get a kiss from my Iwa-chan!”

“Dumbass,” Iwaizumi laughs, pushing Oikawa back down on the bed to press his lips against his.

It’s the first time in two weeks that they’ve kissed.

 

* * *

 

 

“How you holding up?” Sawamura asks, a friendly smile on his face as he slips into the chair beside Iwaizumi.

The gruffy man drops his head into his book, closing his eyes.

“Make sure Oikawa doesn’t play any trashy pop at my funeral please,” he mumbles in response. Sawamura chuckles at that, patting his friends back gently.

“I can’t make any promises, Iwaizumi,” he jokes. Picking his head up, he looks out the library window in front of him.

“What about you, how’re you and Suga these days?” Iwaizumi asks, tilting his head towards Sawamura. The short hair man smiles again, rubbing the back of head.

“We’re doing ok, I suppose. He’s coming down to watch our match this Friday. You’re coming to watch right?” Iwaizumi’s eyes widen, taken aback from the information he just learned.

“Shit, I totally forget it was this Friday. Oikawa’s going to be pissed! Fuck, it totally slipped my mind!”

Last week, Oikawa had asked Iwaizumi if he would be going to the game. Without putting much thought to the date, he had easily agreed, promising his boyfriend he would go. It didn’t occur to him that that day he was scheduled for a midterm.

“Whoa, easy there Iwaizumi. What’s the problem?” Sawamura asked, attempting to calm the frantic boy beside him down.

“I can’t go, I have a midterm that day. It’s in the evening,” his words come out slow and distant. It would break Oikawa’s heart. If there was something Oikawa still spoke about, it was his games. The brunette confessed he always played better when he was there, something Kuroo later confirmed to Iwaizumi as well.

Groaning, Iwaizumi stands up collecting his things.

“I take it you’re heading over to talk to Oikawa?” Sawamura concludes, a sympathetic smile plastered on his face. The spiky haired man nods, apologizing for leaving so abruptly.

“It’s fine, text me if you need anything.”

“Ah, thank you Sawamura. Tell Suga I said hello!” Iwaizumi calls out as he leaves the library.

 

* * *

 

Oikawa steps out onto the small balcony of this apartment with a dialing phone to his ear.

From this view, he can see the busy life of Tokyo, college students swarming the streets and cars zooming by. It’s oddly busy for a wednesday.

The phone rings three more times and then Oikawa is greeted with a deep disturbing voice.

“I was expecting a call from you. I’m surprised you didn’t call sooner Oikawa,” the voice muses.

The brunette rolls his eyes, leaning back against the glass door. “You should be grateful that I’m even speaking to you at all,” Tooru declared, voice growing stern.

“Still childish as ever I see, Oikawa. So, what is it that you want?”

Oikawa scoffs, placing a hand dramatically on his chest. “What I want, shouldn’t I be asking that?”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, it is! I know it was you who offered my name to the scouters.”

There’s silence on the line for a couple of seconds. Oikawa wonders if the call dropped.

“And you would be upset about this why?”

“I don’t need your help to get onto the damn National Team.”

“Oh?”

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” Tooru warned. “I heard you’re second string and you’re struggling to sync with the setter.”

“Who told you this?” the voice demands.

“A couple of annoying birds. I’m guessing you want them to pick me up so you can show them your annoying brute force, right? Then we’ll both be in the starting line up. You see it as a win-win.” Oikawa leans the phone on his shoulder, allowing him to cross his arms over his chest as he gazes off onto the city buildings.

“I can’t help but wonder why you would be so upset about this.”

Hot flashes course through Oikawa and he fights back the urge to hit something. “Because I don’t need your damn help to get onto the team you stupid fool!” It’s pathetic really. Anyone else would have kindly thanked him but not Oikawa. He found it insulting.

“I’m sure you heard that the scouters are being particularly picky this year correct?”

“Well duh.”

“Do you know why, Oikawa?”

Tooru frowns, perplexed. “No,” he admits stubbornly.

“I wasn’t going to say anything but since it bothers you so much, I’ll tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“That they’ve already scouted you.” His hearts drops. He clutches the phone tightly.

“They’re being rather selective because they are already aware of your capability. They want to find guys who you can easily sync with so that you’re comfortable enough to start.”

“I-”

“It’s true, I did offer a name but it wasn’t yours.”

“Then who?”

“Iwaizumi Hajime, of course.”

Oikawa covers his mouth, suppressing a gasp. Slowly, he slides down the door, crouching to the floor.

“Although, I was surprised to hear that Iwaizumi wasn’t playing anymore. You two were very close, right?”

“Since when do you give a damn about my relationships?” He knows he shouldn’t be acting so bitter. Especially to someone who was looking out for him.

“Good luck this Friday, Oikawa and congratulations.”

Swallowing down the last of his pride, Oikawa shuts his eyes and sighs.

“Thank you, Ushijima.”

 

* * *

“I’m so sorry, Oikawa.”

The two of them are sitting at the kitchen table, dinner set out before them.

“You-You promised,” Oikawa stammers out, it almost sounds like a whispers. He’s afraid to raise his voice, knowing it will break if he does.

Iwa-chan frowns, staring down at his food for a while. He sighs and reaches across the table to hold one of Oikawa’s hands.

“You know I would go if I could. If I finish fast enough, I can probably make it in time to see the last set,” Iwa-chan reasons.

“No, no, don’t rush. You need to use up all the time available,” Oikawa shakes his head, staring down at his lap. “Don’t compromise your test for my game.”

“But-”

“Don’t,” he croaks out. He looks back up to meet Iwa-chan’s desperate gaze. “I know you feel like shit for it and it sucks because I do want you there but we’ve already agreed that school comes first.” Oikawa can’t believe the words that are coming out of his mouth. He wants to be selfish. He wants to be spoiled. But the look of guilt that Hajime gives him eats him to his core.

He cannot bring this man to bend backwards for him.

Iwa-chan’s mouth gapes open, left speechless.

Tooru swallows and lets go of their clasped hands. Standing, he excuses himself from the table.

It’s no ones fault. But the look of guilt on Iwa-chan’s face.

That, Oikawa can say is his fault.

 

* * *

It’s been happening for over a month now.

He awakens with a throbbing pain to his right knee every night. Oikawa refuses to go to the kitchen and ice it. He doesn’t want Iwa-chan to find out; it would only worry him even more than necessary.

So instead, Oikawa quietly sits up and reaches for the prescription bottle of Ibuprofen. The same bottle that was prescribed to him after his surgery a year ago. The same pills the doctor had strictly said to only use if he was in unbearable pain.

He was.

Next to the prescription bottle was smaller bottles of Motrin. He used those every other night when the pain isn’t bad. Usually the throbbing is worse on days of conditioning. Although, the coach had them on a somewhat light practice today. He knee shouldn’t have been hurting so much tonight.

Taking a sip of water that he always leaves set out on his on the drawer next to him, he chugs down the water.

He waits fifteen minutes and the pain dulls.

It took longer than usual.

 

* * *

 

“Are you okay?”

Kuroo’s eyes are wide, almost frightened.

Sawamura drops the knee pad that’s in his hand.

Oikawa frowns at the two.

“I’m not even fucking with you, Oikawa. What’s going on?” Oikawa recognizes the tone. Kuroo uses it when he’s talking to Kenma.

“Daichi, can you please call Suga?” Tooru asks, voice weak. Daichi doesn’t hesitate. He dashes out the locker room.

“Do I need to tell the coach?” Kuroo grabs Oikawa’s arm, leading him to one of the benches. A couple of the other players notice but Kuroo shoos them away, assuring them he has it handled.

Oikawa knows why they look so concerned. He saw it this morning when he ran to the bathroom to go throw up. He was really pale, the bruises looking quite profound and he appeared noticeably thinner. It had even shocked him this morning when he saw himself in the mirror.

Oikawa had woken up with the throbbing pain to his knee. His head was spinning and he was nauseous. He stomach felt as if someone was stabbing him. The scariest was when he went to flush the toilet after he took his morning piss.

Blood.

“Oikawa, I know today means a lot to you but you’re not okay. What are you feeling? Do I need to call Iwa-chan?”

“Tooru?” Suga calls out, emerging into the locker room. The coach is behind him, followed by Daichi. “What’s going on, Oikawa?” the coach asks.

He’s pissed.

Everything he worked hard for, it will all be gone by the end of today.

 

He knows it.

 

* * *

When Iwaizumi walks out of his midterm, he is greeted by Kuroo who should definitely not be there and should definitely be at a game.

“What are you-” he begins, confused as hell because Kuroo is in his uniform and school jacket.

Kuroo’s face is hard, nervous almost.

“No time, Kenma is waiting in the car. I’ll explain on the way to the hospital.”

“Hospital?” Iwa-chan exclaims, horrified. Not wanting to waste time, Kuroo grabs his arm and hauls him in the direction of the parking lot.

“Yes, Oikawa is in the hospital.”

“His knee?”

Kuroo hangs his head, eyes glassy. “I think it’s a little more than just that,” he breathes out.

 

 

* * *

 

Oikawa lays in a hospital bed, an IV on the top of his right arm and a tub down his nose, dripping medication to clean his stomach out for tomorrows procedure. He’s not sobbing, but there are definitely silent tears dripping down his face. The doctor recommend not to talk much, explaining it could cause discomfort due to the tube running down his throat.

Suga sat beside him, gently rubbing Oikawa’s hand. He was quiet, heartbroken that his friend was in such a state. There was a knock at the door and Suga’s head quipped up. Daichi had returned, followed with Kuroo and Kenma, and most importantly, Iwaizumi.

Oikawa turned his head slightly in their direction. Iwa-chan rushed over beside him, grabbing his free hand and holding it to his face.

“Oikawa,” he breathed out.

“Have the doctors said anything else?” Kenma asked, walking over to take a seat beside Suga. Daichi leaned against the other wall beside Kuroo.

“The doctors believe Oikawa has Duodentis, inflammation in the upper part of his small intestines. They say it was probably due to stress and all the excess Ibuprofen Oikawa was taking from his knee pain which caused the bleeding and stomach pains,” Suga explained, giving Oikawa a sympathetic look.

“Will he be ok?” Daichi asked from across the room.

“Yeah, the doctor wants to preform an endoscope just to make sure everything is ok. If everything shows to be clean, they said Oikawa will be released tomorrow after his procedure.”

Oikawa hears Kuroo sigh, “That’s good. Let’s hope for the best.”

“Have you spoken to the coach by any chance, Suga?” Kenma asks. Suga nods, turning to Kuroo and Daichi.

“He said he would stop by tomorrow, he’s fully aware of everything.”

A sob escapes Tooru’s throat.

The room goes silent and he feel everyone’s eyes on him. Iwa-chan squeezes his hand. Daichi coughs, pushing off the wall.

“We’ll give you two some space. Oikawa, we’ll come by again in the morning before your procedure.” The others nods.

Suga kisses Oikawa’s forehead and offers a smile. The others pat his shoulder and make their way out.

“Thank you,” Iwa-chan says as they head out the door. “All of you. You guys took care of him when I couldn’t.

“ Daichi smiles, “We’d do anything for you guys.”

Iwa-chan nods and they head out the door.

 

 

* * *

 

The nurse, a cute woman with short curly hair and green eyes, comes into the room in the middle of the night. She apologized to the couple for waking them up.

“Okay Oikawa-san, you’ve finished your medication. We can pull the tube out now,” she announces.

Iwa-chan rises from his chair and stands beside Oikawa, holding his hand and rubbing his back.

Oikawa feels like the tubes slice his throat.

When the nurse leaves, Oikawa scoots over, inviting Iwa-chan into his bed. The shorter man doesn’t fight him, he simply slides in next to him. Oikawa almost falls asleep as Iwa-chan runs his fingers through his hair.

“You’re mad aren’t you?” Oikwa begins, shutting his eyes from fatigue.

He feels Iwa-chan shift, turning his body to face Oikawa properly. His boyfriend kisses his forehead and then his cheek.

Pulling away he shake his head.

“I’m upset but not at you,” Iwa-chan explains, still running his fingers through Oikawa’s tousled locks. The brunette hums, prompting him to continue.

“Oikawa, what goes through that head of yours? How could you think you are a burden to me?” He sounds betrayed, in disbelief as well.

Tears well down Tooru’s face again and he burries himself in Iwa-chan’s shoulder, clutching onto his now damp shirt. He’s sure Kuroo mentioned their conversation to Iwa-chan, not that he’s upset about it.

“Oikawa, please look at me,” Iwa-chan pleads, his voice almost a whisper.

He shivers from the pain in his voice.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he pulls his head up to look at Hajime. Their faces are merely inches away. Iwa-chan cradles his face.

“I want you to understand that you are not a burden to me. Oikawa Tooru, I am love with you, every part of you. I know I can come out rough sometimes and things have been tense these past couple of weeks but please, do not punish yourself for wanting to be with me.”

“But it’s my fault,” Tooru whimpers out, a new set of tears cascading down his face. “I made Iwa-chan feel guilty for not playing volleyball. I made you come to Tokyo even though you really wanted to go to that college in Sendai. I made you come over here and I feel horrible because I can see how tired you are, how stressed you are from school, how-how exhausted you are from worrying about me.”

Hajime shakes his head, somewhat frustrated. “Maybe I wasn’t clear before we came to Tokyo and that’s probably my fault for not clarifying it. Oikawa, I did come to Tokyo because of you but it was because I wanted to be with you,” he sounds desperate now, eyes searching in Oikawa’s. It’s something Tooru has never seen in him. “I knew deciding to go to Tokyo would be challenging. Sure, it’s more competitive but it’s worth it because that only makes me stronger, and I can be with you. Oikawa, you’re not a chore. Sure, you can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, and a huge crybaby at that but I worry over you because I love you.”

The tears have calmed. Oikawa can only stare at Iwa-chan in awe.

“You’re feelings are valid Tooru, but know that everything I choose to do, is because I want to do it. I’m studying to become a doctor is sports therapy because I see how painful it is for you with your knee. I want to help people, Tooru.”

There’s a faint blush of pink on Iwa-chan’s cheeks. Oikawa can’t help but smile.

“Yes Oikawa, I surrendered who I've been for who you are but that’s only because you’ve become the better part of me.”

Oikawa couldn’t exactly explain how he felt in that moment. It was groundbreaking, like he had been drowning, about to pass out and someone had pulled him to the surface. It felt like he had just taken his first breath of air. He could comprehend what Iwa-chan was trying to convey.

“I love you,” Oikawa managed to croak out.

Iwa-chan hummed in agreement, leaning down to kiss Tooru.

“I love you, too.” 

 

 

* * *

 

 “Why the special occasion?” Oikawa asked as Iwa-chan led him down the street, hands intertwined. The couple made their way into a small restaurant where Kuroo, Kenma, Daichi and Suga were already waiting.

“The special occasion is because you are healthy and recovering and you have some news to share with the group,” Iwa-chan explained as he led them to their group of friends. They sat at a large booth, greeting and asking Oikawa how he was doing.

“Iwaizumi says you have some news for us?” Suga prompts, a coy smile on his lips.

“Ohohoho?” Kuroo elaborates, eyebrows rising with curiosity.

“I do, well, first off I want to thank all of you, I know I put you guys through some tough stuff as well so thank you,” Oikawa starts, nodding his head at everyone. “Second, I want to announce that I’ve talked it over with the coaches and scouters, and they plan to continue to work with me until my knee gets better.”

There’s a moment of silence as everyone lets that sink in.

“You made the National Team,” Suga whispers, covering his mouth in shock.

Oikawa nods gratefully. They all congratulate him, genuine with their smiles.

“Oikawa, I never did get to ask,” Kenma says after the hype settles down. “What caused the pain in your knee?”

Iwa-chan frowns, grasping Oikawa’s hand under the table.

“Stress apparently,” the brunette answers, scratching the back of his head. “With that and overworking myself. Plus, I was losing weight from not eating because of the Duodentis. So much strain caused my knee to have a flare up. They said with rest it will get better,” he mutters out the last part, clearly not too happy with not being able to play for while.

“Well, you’re recovering and that’s all that matters now,” Daichi offers fondly.

“Yeah,” Oikawa agrees, smiling at Iwa-chan.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**Ten Years Later** _

 

 

“Dr. Iwaizumi, you have a guest,” the nurse says, cheeks pink with embarrassment.

Hajime leans back in his chair, setting down the paper work on this desk.

“Ah, let them in,” he mutters out, leaning his head back against his leather seat.

There’s the sound of shuffling feet and then a tall man with fluffy brown hair and large eyes walks into the room. He’s wearing a red practice t-shirt, a white volleyball jacket with Japan’s flag stitched onto the left side, and white volleyball sweats with single strips going down on each side.

“Why hello there doctor, I think I need you take a look at me,” Oikawa jokes, shutting the door and walking over to Iwa-chan’s desk. He lays himself over it, dramatically resting his backhand on his forehead.

“Save me doctor!” Iwa-chan laughs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Nope, sorry, I can’t fix stupidity.”

“Mah mah, so feisty today Iwa-chan!”

“What do you want Oikawa?” the doctor asks, smiling at his lover. Oikawa sits up and leans forward, brushing his nose against the doctor’s.

“Just wanted to kiss my hot doctor goodbye before I head off to Brazil for the Olympics,” Tooru says, nonchalant. Iwaizumi can’t help but roll his eyes.

“I’m leaving tonight too you idiot. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

“Still too long to be away from Iwa-chan!” Hajime shakes his head, leaning forward to kiss Oikawa. His eyes flutter close and he holds Oikawa’s face in his hands. Tooru takes the opportunity to angle his face more and wrap his arms around Iwa-chan’s neck.

“If we don’t stop, you’ll miss your flight,” Hajime pants in between kisses.

Oikawa kisses Hajime one last time and pulls back with a sigh, “You’re no fun doctor.”

He hops off the desk and heads for the door.

“I’ll see you in bit,” Hajime says. Oikawa nods and opens the door.

“Hajime?”

The doctor looks back up at Oikawa. He’s met with large eyes that hold nothing but love.

“I know I didn’t say it back to you and I thought I should say it now.”

Hajime watches as Oikawa begins to smile.

“You’re the better part of me too.” 

* * *

 

Fin//

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> That was such a mess & I'm so sorry if that was rushed or confusing. I just really needed to get that off my chest. Kudos to you if you made it this far, thank you!


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